Stressed until the end

When I found out when my husband was due home I was ecstatic, but the stress and anxiety that has gone along with him being gone, hasn’t gone away. And I don’t think it will until he’s home.

At a recent event for spouses in our brigade prepping for redeployment (homecoming) we talked about the reintegration after they come home, what to expect and look for, but the chaplain asked one question that has stuck with me, “When will you stop holding your breath?” we all answered: “When we’re holding each other here in our arms.”

But the fear that he is still gone isn’t the only stress. It’s the reintegration. I wasn’t too worried about it until I went to a few meetings and talked to more people about some mood changes and habits that Soldiers sometimes experience when they come home from war. There is also the fact that I’m so used to living on my own that the together thing will be hard to readjust to. There is making sure the house is presentable (enough), and that you took care of what you set out to do (whether that was painting a room in the house, reorganizing things, or just making sure the cars still function). For me there was the timing with final papers and projects for graduate school, making sure I get enough work done on them before the plane lands, so that I can have that quality time with him for a few days.

Some of these fears went away when I brought them up with my husband. He is so supportive of my studies that it didn’t phase him that I’d be writing up a storm. And the house doesn’t have to be sparkling. *phew* And if he does experience some mood changes we both know where to turn to for help. And talking with my friends we are going to continue getting together for girl time, after we’ve had our time with our husbands.

But of course everyday he’s still there I worry. I couldn’t sleep one night because of an irrational fear that something wasn’t right. In reality I know that work had picked up as the unit transition power to the next unit, and computers don’t multiply. But in that hazy middle of the night slumber: fear. All alleviated in an email the next morning.

But until I make my cheesy welcome home sign, get some schoolwork under control, and have him home, I will be stressed. I’ll probably be stressed after that trying to juggle everything still while I add husband time to the mix. Maybe one day I’ll get all this juggling down, or just say no, but really I’ve got a lot to do until his plane lands, time to get to business! Time management, let’s be friends!